Thinking!!

Thinking what to write about thinking. I want to write about this to see how complicated and uselss my thinking can be at times.  I think quite a lot before doing anything. I have always been like that may be. My thinking leads to well planning. My thinking makes me clear on my course of action. My thinking at times also screws my mind completely. And those times I force myself to sleep for hours till I relax my mind.

Thinking too much is unhealthy I feel, atleast it has made me quite unhealthy at times coz I end up thinking too much.  I end up thinking the same things again and again. Yes I am blessed to do that. Specially on useless things and people who matter the least in Life. I let myself get impacted by useless thinking. Probably this kind of useless thinking is also because I have lot of time these days. I'm on a break from job for the last 7 months.May be this easy time adds on to the junk thoughts.
I call my friends without thinking twice, I thank people without thinking too much. I put no effort If I should be nice to someone. I talk my heart out to my dear ones without thinking. Lot of good happens to me because of my thinking.
But the sad part is when my thinking impacts me negatively. May be I'm getting into mood swings and I just want a reason to be sad or lie low and think bad. I end up nurturing my mind with all bad thoughts, sulk in the ugly thoughts, cry a bit, stay aloof for a while, sleep like a log all for no reason. I then force myself to talk to a dear one on the mood swings and they turn out to be my angels who help me recover from the mood swings by just speaking to me for few mins. :) The crave for some love and pamper makes me force myself onto someone for help and I do get it.

I read books or see some happy time pics or write something to pep up my mood and go on a jog or a long walk and try different things to get me back to my normal happy self. But at times I need someone to do the magic for me.
I had a small mood swing and a dear friend spoke to me and made me realize what a happy and bubbly girl I'm always.My husband reassured how perfect and nice my life is and said few nice things to just make me happy and smile :) Read a dear friend's blog who is just so wonderful at writing and telling stories. :)

I will continue my thinking and try to keep myself out of stupid thoughts all for my own good.
I'm just thinking, am I the only one to feel this way or is this a common phenomenon :):) 

Patience

Ok I seriously dont get the real, actual meaning of this..
All I have understood from my life is Having patience means taking more of shit from everyone with a smile on your face.. Yeah that is literally what it means..
To be happy and peaceful we need to have lots of patience and the best way not to have your patience tested is by being with your self and loving your self and avoiding the rest as much as you can. This is what comes out of my conked up head right now!

My First cup of Tea!!

Whatever time I wake up however busy my day has to be, one thing I ensure to refresh and reawaken my senses is to have my first cup of tea in my balcony on 8th floor. The cool breeze has definitely some great effect on me.
I see an empty ground right beside my house, where I can get to see lot of people, cows, sheep and many more. My concentration though is never on this empty space as I believe in looking beyond that to reach out to the morning clouds which give you lot of peace and lot of time to think positive about my day. I avoid seeing people for obvious reasons, its the time for my own self, for my own imagination and for my clarity of the day. I also avoid them for an ugly truth. Most people come there for nature calls early morning. I cant blame them as they are poor laborers or those kinds who cannot afford a proper toilet. Imagine a huge apartment with thousands of people in it who can face this ground and see whats happening. But still these guys have no choice :( And for this am not sure who all to blame.

My eyes fell on 2 little kids walking into this space, a boy around 6-7 and the girl around 3-4 yrs. I thought they were brother and sister going for their early morning task. I could not take my eyes off them for some reason. Later I saw they were roaming all around this big space while I waited them to settle down for their task :)

That tiny girl was running behind her brother while she found some kind of a huge plastic sheet or something. She was picking it up while her brother came and snatched it from her, bent it so he could easily carry it and he started running out of the ground. The tiny girl seemed angry, crying and was trying to thrash her brother. She followed him and on the way picked up some more tiny plastic sheets. I assume its a plastic sheet seeing from such a far distance.
Both of them ran, happily (I felt so), out of the ground and kept walking till I actually lost sight of them.

The open ground

What do you think they were upto? why do you think they picked up that sheet? Why would they even fight for that petty plastic sheet? what would it fetch them?

I kept thinking for a long time and felt may be they would sell it for 5 rs or so. May be they were trying to earn some money, help their parents or may be they were forced out of the house by their parents to go make their own earnings and hence the fight.
My thoughts were endless and my imagination was unstoppable. I was jittery, i felt I should have chased them to see what they were upto. End of it I was sad thinking of 2 tiny kids fighting for something so worthless in our dictionary, who should ideally be sleeping on their comfortable beds that early in the morning. Tears rolled down, I wiped them and felt that I learnt some lesson out of this incident.
And now with my first cup of tea I wish to see these kids around. This time may be I will chase them, probably offer them some good breakfast with me :)

Lessons are many to learn in life but how open we are to learning is what matters. My first cup of tea that day had turned out to be a learning session for me!!

Anger

I live in a high rise building and there is always some positives and negatives about staying in an apartment.
You have a lot of facilities and at the same time you have quite a number of things to put you off.

I love my home (though am on rent here) and have a lot of fond memories for life living in this place.

Speaking only of the non pleasurable things, You get to hear kids cry at all odd hours.. people partying over weekends till early morning.. dogs barking all the time (which I dont like), noise of tables and cots being pulled around, drilling and renovations and many such things. Never have I been so irritated but now I cant control my anger because there is some fat person on my head dancing daily for about 45 mins and this creates so much noise in every corner of my house..

Feels like some 100 kilo boulder is banging on our head daily.
Many calls, emails and request have gone waste. That special (read ugly) someone is hated by me so much that am growing older and irritated. Hardly I feel hatred and Jealous (M so humble you see) but the anger that I have these days for this person is hard to believe. If in Delly Belly style this person falls down into my house I might just hang her right there. Ok .. now lemme control my anger..

They say even God wants to join people who are ready to dance! But this dance has just got on my nerves and I feel like suggesting to this person to first hit the gym or jogging track, get into shape and then show off her dancing skills, probably I can tolerate few lesser kilos and definitely not this boulder.

People have so much attitude that they forget ethics and etiquette of living in a society like this and In our country requests and pleadings dont work and God knows what actually works here.

I might join for some Yoga or meditation classes to tolerate such nonsense in Life! 

My Boy!

A day passes by.. almost 11 hrs without talking to him...waiting and waiting all day..
 And I just feel "To hell with marriage..what would I have done in Life without LOVE.. "
Thank good lord!!!!!!!